June 8-June 12, 2002

bulletPsalm 46: In light of the fact that we go to court Friday, June 14, 2002 to see if our foster son's rights will be terminated, in which case we would adopt him, this passage has been a blessing.  Regardless of the chaos that we see around us, we don't need to run for cover and panic, we can "Be Still" and know that He is God and that He is in control.  It will all work according to His plan and, of course, to His glory. 

June 13-June 15, 2002

bulletJeremiah 29:11: Someone sent a note with this verse on it to my mother this week saying they were praying for whatever struggle she was facing at the time.  Of course, we have court tomorrow concerning the future of our foster son who is a very big part of our family.  This was wonderful timing on the part of our Lord! It is amazingly interesting that this reassuring verse is in a passage where the Lord is reassuring the Israelites that He will take them out of exile in Babylon and that they are to settle down and go about their lives and he would take care of the rest. Does that sound a little like foster parenting to anyone?  I have been behaving like I was truly a parent but I have been in exile.  My time in exile, of not knowing is about to end.  I trust that my father indeed has a plan for my future and its better than any plan I could make.


bulletOn June 14, 2002 we went to court fully expecting to find out whether our foster son's parental rights were going to be terminated.  In stead, we found out that the attorney who represents him, Guardian Ad Litem (GAL), had been appointed to a judgeship.  He was appointed a new GAL.  Unfortunately, she was appointed GAL that day so the judge postponed the trial until August 30, 2002.  This is actually a call in the best interest of the children as we should hope their attorneys would know the case and hopefully know them which is not always what happens.

I think it is very interesting that I received the message from Jeremiah 2 days before court.  I remember thinking, "Wow, Lord, I already have peace about this situation.  Are you just protecting me with more?"  While my husband was in Portland, 2 days before court, he received a message telling him to "be patient" and asking, "How hard are you willing to work for this?" Theo wondered, "Why are you telling me to be patient, Lord.  I have been patient.  I am patient now.  I only have 2 more days." We both understood the messages a little better when we left the courthouse.

Our God is an awesome, caring God and did not want us to lose faith or be dismayed by the unexpected events on June 14th.  We could have been blindsided on June 14th.  Instead we left the courthouse, shaking our heads in awe at the omniscience of the Father. As Jeremiah 29:11 says, He does have plans for our hope and future.  Exile will eventually end, just not as soon as I thought it would. 

Perhaps, there will be a more clear cut answer for the court to decide about termination by then.  Maybe this will give the parents time to voluntarily surrender rights.  Maybe it is a test of our faithfulness.  Maybe it is time to prepare our little one's biological parents to take him home. I do not know God's purpose in holding off this decision, but I am at peace and comforted and committed to raising this child as my own until I am told otherwise.   The Lord knows our desires and, in the long run, if he chooses to not grant us our wish, I know He has some greater purpose. 


June 18, 2002-June 19, 2002

bullet1 Corinthians 9:24-27: I am searching to become more disciplined, more steadfast in my spiritual life and in my daily activities. As you can see from my goals below, I did quite poorly on the daily quiet time goal.  I will start the goal anew today and endeavor to be more faithful to a God who has been so faithful to me. 

This scripture is exciting to me in another way.  It talks about the strictness that everyone follows when they enter the race.  That seems a lot like diets to me.  Most people can follow a strict diet for a little time, for a "crown that will not last".  As encouragement to my friends who are also trying to lose weight, let us run the race to "get a crown that lasts forever". 

Weight loss has been a spiritual experience for me this time.  It is about submitting to what needs to be done for my body.  I am giving over control to my God.  I am learning to start again each time and give up trying to fight the fight on my own.  I know that sometimes the training will be quite difficult, but I will listen and obey my coach.  He is trying to teach me to be the absolute best I can.  If I give my trust to Him, he can mold me into the runner he needs me to be!

June 21, 2002-June 23, 2002

bullet1 Corinthians 10:13:  What good news for those of use losing weight and facing all sorts of temptations.  He will always gives us a way to stand up under temptation and a way out.  It is also really important to realize that our temptations are common.  We are not alone.  The Lord supports us and gives us a way to resist temptation and we have many others who are facing the same issues. Very exciting!

June 24, 2002-June 26, 2002

bullet2 Corinthians 8:11: Now this was one of those scriptures that really hit me between the eyes.  I have been praying and finding myself distracted lately.  I am finding myself convicted of not following through with activities and duties that I set out to do for people.  I realize that this has been an ongoing problem for me.  I am very excited about new projects, but then I get distracted and the new project moves down on my priority list.  It is a disgusting habit and hurts people.  I have always gotten things in by deadlines set by others, but if I tell someone I'll have it done by..., I tend to not think of it as a real deadline.  When I realize I am late, I avoid the project to avoid facing reality - that I screwed up.

Another important aspect of this message is that it be done according to your means.  Often, when I imagine what I can do, I have amazing grandiose pictures.  Those pictures hardly ever come to fruition.  I often procrastinate and avoid the issue to avoid facing the fact that reality can't match the picture in my mind.  I am only asked to give according to my ability, nothing more.  Stop the perfectionism.  I don't have to be the best, I just have to give what I have. 

This all falls into the FLY lady way that I have started doing to my house.  Our Heavenly Father gives us all the tools we need to meet what He asks us to do! The distraction and the separation I've experience of late with my Father, is directly related to sin.  I am repenting and dealing with it as I have been convicted.

June 27, 2002 - July 9, 2002

bulletMatthew 14:22-36: My first impression is that when he cried "Lord, save me." He immediately saved him.  He is all-knowing, all-powerful.  He prepared Himself by being in a position close enough to touch Peter with His hand.  He might have just as well told him to rise or beamed Him upwards.  That tough, that closeness to learn the lesson is so important.  He goes through extra steps to help us learn.  A father who gently makes an impact by embracing his son and carrying him when a word would have worked.  he has a harsh lesson dealt with a gentle hand.  I thank the Lord for His patience even when I think I have arrived. 

I can't measure my progress minutely.  I have to sand back and look at the long haul.  Measuring my little boys height every day would be ludicrous, but it's amazing how much change occurs at six months and a year.  We can't look at two week's behavior and say, "we have changed".  We have to keep practicing.

July 10, 2002-July 15, 2002

bulletLuke 13:10-17: Jesus healed a woman from her infirmity of 18 years by telling her she was free and then touching her.  She immediately straightened up.  By being set free from the wages of sin by being touched by Jesus a lifelong infirmity was healed. 

While the woman immediately straightened permanently, she had to work out her new body. She probably had to adjust her depth perception from a stooped position, she had to avoid self-pity when she fell into her old role, she had to de3al with the pity of those who knew her as thy slowly came to realize her change, she had to probably deal with being seen as Holy or as a role-model to those who hoped to have the same results as her.  She had to adjust how she worked and exercise some muscles she hadn't used in two decades.

She not only had to endure quilt-trips about why she was saved and others were not, she had to endure political wrangling over whether she was healed correctly-on the right day or not. The great Physician saw a need, addressed the need and dealt with the ramifications after the fact.  Jesus rebuked the naysayers for being hypocrites when they see someone break the letter of the law so He could keep the Spirit of the Law.  At the same time, they broke the law for foolish reasons.

It occurs to me that she probably didn't go to the synagogue to get healed that day, she may not have even known Jesus was teaching-she probably went because she always went and was obediently attending.  She did not seek Jesus out for healing.  He saw her and her need and called her forward and healed her.  She was healed by an unexpected man on an unexpected day at an unexpected place.  It wasn't conventional.  It wasn't even politically correct.  She was obediently doing what she was supposed to do.

It is the same with weight loss.  I went expecting something totally different than what I got.  I got so many blessings aside from the weight loss, I was healed suddenly of my eating disorder but it is taking a while for my body to practice obedience.

July 31, 2002

bulletProverbs 18:17: This is a very interesting and short verse, but it contains an amazing nugget of wisdom.  I have been so guilty before of listening to and believe the case of the first man before hearing the questions surrounding his point.  It is so important to withhold judgment, and seek knowledge to question even what we think makes sense.  How has the devil been able to work in our lives before? Through well-crafted deception.  If his tactics were straightforward and too obviously wrong, no one would ever be taken in by his art. 

I try to think of every story I hear, even from someone about his/her personal relationships about the fact there are truly two sides to every story.  Each story is presented with a twist or perception that paints the narrator in a good a light as possible.  So I take this warning very seriously, do not be roped in by someone's seemingly reasonable explanation of an event and cast judgment on another because of it.  It takes two to divorce. It takes two to fight and so on.  If there is a diet plan out there, there is another which contradicts the first.  Moderation seems to be the key and the truth seems to generally lie somewhere between whatever extremes mankind tends to put onto it.


July - Dec 2002

bulletOff and on throughout the remaining part of the year, I worked through Beth Moore's Whispers of Hope prayer journal.  It has been a very wonderful tool and I enjoyed using almost it daily! 

January 2003

bulletExperiencing God, bible study

I am currently using a Bible Study called Experiencing God.  I have just started on January 6th and am enjoying it all ready.  A verse that has already hit me as very significant is Matthew 6:34.  It is so true that we have to trust God with all of our cares each and every day and we don't have to know His whole plan and how it will work out.  He takes care of the plan and we simply obey. What a peace!